An old one, this. A person tells a friend something difficult — kindly meant, carefully chosen moment — and it quietly destroys the friendship. Versus: someone cuts you up on the roundabout because they are late and selfish, and you brake, and in braking you narrowly miss a child who had stepped out. Good outcome, ugly motive. Bad outcome, decent motive.
Most moral philosophy has a strong view on which one counts. Most ordinary human feeling has a different strong view, and the two keep disagreeing.
What I notice, for what it's worth: people tend to judge themselves by intention and other people by outcome. The kindness that backfired stays kindness in your own memory. The stranger who caused the near-miss is still a menace, whatever the child's parents will never know.
So — which do you actually weigh when you're being honest with yourself? And does that change when it's your own behaviour you're looking back at?